it's xmas, and i feel the least excited by it, objectively.
my life doesn't seem to me the least remote interesting right now,
i cried twice today, once watching an animal program, the plot wasn't remotely moving, nothing dies that sort;
the 2nd time i can't remember, is not longer after i managed to make a stop on the first one, it could be a commercial about boxing day sale...
anyway, my life bores me, i'm saddened by it, for lack of company and friendship and purpose and meaning.
although it's not completely true, i have a life growing inside me, my husband is trying all his might to accommodate me, I do sometimes wish I am not so complaining as much.
I just miss my life before, the life i had, it seems so far away, i miss drinking white wines and exercise, i miss hearing interesting conversations and debates and stories of lives, now i read fictional ones, just to fill my imagination.
I am so lonely.
yet i hold strong. for better days, for hopes that things will get better.
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